fitscapades
I went from successful specialist doctor in rural Australia to a homeless addict selling my body for drugs and almost dead to living in full recovery in a three story house 30 meters from the beach with my amazing gorgeous partner, my son, his son, our cat and dog. I am an addict in recovery, my story is quite unique and I didn't live it all only to have it untold as the dusts pass over my grave at the eventual end of my life. I want to give hope to addicts in pain, to their families who worry that true recovery is possible even when you are as bad as I was. I want to try to shift perception in the community that addicts are not a waste of time we are capable of recovery and are not lost causes. I have learned so much and gained so much wisdom walking this pathway to recovery it seems a shame not share this. The lessons I have learned are useful to everyone not just those challenged by addiction.
fitscapades
Relationship Repair After Addiction Destroyed Everything
Relationships shatter under the weight of addiction. I know this firsthand—I burned every bridge with family, friends, and partners during my darkest days of substance abuse. The heartbreaking isolation that followed became a turning point in my recovery journey.
Remember the famous Rat Park study? When rats lived in enriched environments with social connections, they rarely chose drug-laced water. Alone in cages, they consumed it until death. Humans aren't so different. We're tribal creatures who turn to others for comfort in distress. Without that support system, drugs become an easier choice.
Recovery demanded more than just sobriety. It required rebuilding trust through consistent actions, not just intentions. My father was the first to believe in me, while others needed more proof. Slowly, I reconstructed relationships with family members, formed friendships as an adult for the first time, and even developed a healthy bond with my ex-partner. Most importantly, I'm healing my relationship with my son, being honest about my past while protecting his future.
Managing my ADHD creates new relationship challenges as I balance my tendency to hyperfocus with the need to connect. I've learned to deliberately allocate time for the people I care about, recognizing that love requires energy and attention. Each relationship—whether with family, friends, romantic partners, or my child—needs different forms of nurturing.
These connections now form a protective barrier against relapse. I couldn't imagine using drugs and facing the people who matter to me. While I once couldn't understand how relationships prevent addiction, I now see it clearly every day. We get out what we put in, and true happiness comes when we focus beyond ourselves.
How are you nurturing the relationships that matter most? Share your thoughts and subscribe to hear more recovery stories that might just change how you see connection in your own life.
Welcome back to Fitzcapades. My name is Michelle and I'm a recovered addict. And today I really wanted to discuss relationships because when I was using drugs I pretty much lost, burnt down every relationship I had with any human being and then in recovery, one of the beautiful things has been rebuilding those relationships and putting energy into them and honouring them, and that's really important. This is one of the things that keeps me well. So, like I guess we know that having good human relationships is actually really protective against addiction.
Speaker 1:And there was actually like this study done in the 1970s with some rats you may have heard of it Rat Park. Done in the 1970s with some rats you may have heard of it Rat Park. So basically these investigators gave rats, put a rat in a cage, several rats but not together and put water laced with morphine and water laced well, not, and just untainted water. And what they found was that universally the rats in the cages would die of the morphine overdose because they preferred to drink that water. But then what they did was that they got the rats and they put them in with all their family, rats and things and they gave lots of fun things to do in this rat park with like wheels to run in and everything like that. And they also gave these rats a choice between morphine-laced water and normal water, and what they found was that hardly any of the rats actually touched the morphine-laced water.
Speaker 1:And that's very telling because what it tells us is that when people are happy or rats or people are happy with their pack, then they don't tend to turn to drugs, which makes sense. Really, humans can't survive in isolation all on their own. We know that people who don't have many relationships actually die earlier than those that have got lots of strong, healthy relationships. And also, you know we are a tribal animal. You know like when we're in distress, we turn to our loved ones for comfort and support. You know it's like when a kid falls over in the park, the first thing that they do is they cry and they go to mum for sympathy, you know. And so if you don't have anyone to turn to in times of distress, that's when turning to drugs for comfort becomes all the more easier. So I guess what I'm getting at is that drugs, drug addiction, is not just due to your biology or makeup. It's also due to your social circumstances as well.
Speaker 1:So when I was an unwell addict, I just used drugs, no matter what. You know, I didn't care about anyone else. I didn't really recognize how my drug use impacted on my loved ones or how it hurt them. And you know, because I didn't care, it made me able, I guess, in a way, to do that when I was living in that life life, I put very little effort into any relationship that I had. You know, I just expected everyone who supposedly loved me to be there and put up with my shit pretty much, you know.
Speaker 1:And, and I was living, uh yeah, just you know, as soon as someone like said you know I love you like a romantic partner, just you know. As soon as someone like said you know I love you like a romantic partner and that you know that's it, you know that then how can they leave me? You know that has to be forever, which is so clearly not the case. You know I never rang my parents. If they rang, it was a real hassle. I'd avoid their calls, you know, I just didn't want to talk to them. I just wanted to get on and do my own thing in isolation.
Speaker 1:You know, and part of that too was not just drug addiction, but it's ADHD If you get locked into a hyper focus. You don't want to be distracted by that. So, you know, even in recovery I can still kind of go down that pathway and I've got to be really careful not to do that and to actually delegate time to maintaining relationships. So I mean, it doesn't matter what relationship it is, whether it's with your parents, your sisters, your brothers, your romantic partner, your children, friends If you don't put energy into that relationship then it's not going to be very strong. You know. And so I'm going to be talking about that, because I think a lot of people just tend to take for granted these relationships and want to just take but maybe not necessarily give, or like it's just, you know, this assumption that if that love is a right, not a privilege. So you know, once you've locked into this relationship where you're loving each other, like in a romantic situation or with your parents, it's very a lot.
Speaker 1:A lot of people, I think, assume, assume that that's a given. You know that's unconditional, and I mean it isn't unconditional. You see, the thing is is that you have to put something into it to strengthen that bond. And I guess the most important thing is actually valuing each relationship, not just taking it for granted. So for me, having lost every relationship in my life and having been remembering, you know, sitting at this point where there was no one I could call, I was in trouble. There's no one on the face of the earth that I could call, I was on my own, and that situation was diabolical. You cannot understand, if you've not gone through it, the, how much that hurts, how that is so much of a difficult place to be when you are lonely. You know, and and I think that's an extreme case, but there is still a lot of loneliness in the world and uh today, and that that's probably multifactorial, but some of it, I guess, is that we just don't take uh the time to honor each relationship and really respect it and and give it the um work that it needs. You know, um. So I I wanted to break this down by talking about, like, romantic relationships, platonic relationships and relationships with um friends, and, I guess, just give my own personal experiences to that and some commentary around it.
Speaker 1:The other thing that really inspired this podcast was I the fact that a young gentleman, a young man I sound like such an old lady when I say that um reached out to me on Instagram and was like you know, um, I'm so lonely. You know, can you help me with my loneliness? And obviously what he was looking for was a friend to chat with, which how can I fulfill that? You know, I don't know him. You know, and that's not me being a nasty person, it's just that I don't know you. So how can I be your true friend if I don't know you? You know, like it's not my job here, but I didn't tell him to piss off. I thought let's just be constructive about this.
Speaker 1:So I asked him the question you know, like, where are your people then? Why? What happened? You know? Why don't you have anyone around you? Like, we're all born with a set of people, we go to school, we meet friends and whatever. And he said, oh, like, they just don't think the same as me. We had a lot of arguments. So, boiling it down, well, I said, well, you know what was your part in the argument? You know, you're the common denominator here, unfortunately. You know, and I was able to take it back to him and reflect that perhaps actually he had some accountability, or a lot of accountability, in the reason why he was so lonely.
Speaker 1:To fix your loneliness is to go through and, you know, see where you could have done better and, you know, do some self-improvement and then you know, only then can you move forward. And so, yeah, I think there's a lot of people who tend to complain. I get quite a few messages I'm so lonely, you know this, and that All the people at work don't want to hang out with me. It's like, well, do you make the effort to hang out with them? But I think what happens in today's day and age is that people get afraid to reach out because they think that they're going to be rejected or whatever. But the simple fact is that and then when you're sitting from that perspective, you can't actually see that perhaps the fact that you're not reaching out is one of the reasons why people are not wanting to hang out with you.
Speaker 1:You know, anyway, for me, throughout my life earlier life anyway I was always a loner. I've a lonely child. I've learnt how to enjoy my own company because I had to, you know, and I'm always so focused on various different projects and tasks because I have this eternal drive to be productive, because of my ADHD, and I always really felt awkward in social situations, even before I started to use drugs. Then I started to use drugs and I felt a bit more. That helped with my confidence initially, but then later on, as I was a closeted addict, yeah, I was really awkward in social situations and that's probably because I wasn't happy with who I was. I had this dark secret, you know, I was masking, pretending to be someone I wasn't, and people could just pick up on that and that's why, socially, I didn't go so well. So, you know, I found myself to sort of just go well, that's okay, I can get along on my own and things.
Speaker 1:And then, as I descended further into drug abuse, you know, all of my loved ones had to pull away because they had no way to help me. My ex-partner he had to pull away to avoid, you know, becoming homeless with me and to keep my son out of foster care, you know, and to keep my son out of foster care, you know. And so I guess, looking back at that time, I just didn't prioritise any relationship. I took it for granted. I was like, you know, my mum and dad. I had a lot of resentment towards them anyway, but you know, I avoided them. I didn't do anything to mend those relationships, I just thought I was better off without them. I didn't do anything to mend those relationships. I just thought I was better off without them.
Speaker 1:My partner at the time I just lied to and was not, you know, just completely like really a shitty partner. You know, I didn't, I just took the relationship for granted, you know, and, and, and just took the fact that his love for granted. And you know, he stood by me through some pretty shitty times and he probably shouldn't have, but yeah, I just didn't, didn't give anything back. I just took, you know, and and I, you know, like if he called or something, it would be like an inconvenience or a pain in the ass, like interactions with him became, yeah, a pain in the ass, you know, and yeah, I was a very closed off person and then, obviously, I became incredibly lonely and lost everyone and lost everyone and so in recovery, yeah, I guess people started to see that I was genuine, you know, that I wasn't bullshitting, that I was actually clean and I apologized and I made good for a lot of the shitty things I did, particularly with my ex financially. I did the right thing, you know, and that sort of thing, and so people forgave me and they could see that I was living with integrity, which I never did before.
Speaker 1:You know, I used to make promises that I really genuinely did want to keep, like I did want to provide and give money to my ex when we were together, because I was the sole wage earner. I wanted to be the good provider and, like the saviour, I guess I wanted to do all of those things to be a good mum and a good partner. But the problem is that my drug addiction got in the way and I put that at number one and that meant that I could never follow through on any of the promises that I'd made. And in my own head, you know, there was layers of bullshit that I made up for as excuses as to why that was okay. But the bottom line is it wasn okay and it doesn't matter if my intentions were to be good and were to follow through on those promises. The fact of the matter is that I didn't, and intentions mean nothing. It's what actually ends up happening. That means all the world, you know, and so I have learnt to. If I make promises, you move heaven and earth to make sure that whatever you've promised comes to be.
Speaker 1:You know, my dad in early recovery was the first one to come back and back me and I will never forget that and back me and I will never forget that. And my mum and his partner were a little bit more sceptical, okay, because they thought that I was still bullshitting. So I had to work really, not really hard like I just, you know, just had to just keep showing up again and again and again, you know, sane and sober and clean, and eventually, when they came to visit, they could see that I was someone different. But those were like very difficult, it was very difficult to gain back that trust again.
Speaker 1:And you know, for so much time in my addiction, you know like I really harboured a lot of resentment towards my parents because both of them had had trauma in their childhoods, my dad in particular. My dad is probably what you would call a narcissist, okay, but he can't help that, you know. And nor can my mum help what she is, because she just doesn't, you know, she just can't help it. And I learned to forgive them because I realised that although they had hurt me and I had had some trauma in my childhood, they were still doing their best and they didn't ever intentionally mean to hurt me and it was time to be an adult now and grow up, and I was only ever going to get one mum and dad in this world, and so I just had to grow up and I forgave them. And I just had to grow up and I forgave them, and I do, and I love them both dearly now, and it's taken me a long time to be able to come to that point.
Speaker 1:But I think harbouring my resentment was not in my best interest. You know, um, and we all learn that our parents are fallible. Look, I know that there are some people that have got, you know, unforgivable traumas that have been inflicted on them by their parents and that that's fair enough to not forgive that. But for me, you know, yeah, my parents say they, they, uh, parents, they did injure me somewhat psychologically, but it was through no intention of their own. You know it's just what you call generational trauma and you know, hopefully, me walking my pathway and my journey, I don't pass that on to my son. You know the cycle stops here. That's my responsibility here in that.
Speaker 1:So, with my parents, you know, I make sure now that I call my mum every week, my dad, I take his calls, I talk to him because now my dad's going through like a really hard time. His wife is unwell with the cancer and things, and he's got a lot of stress on his plate and I really care, you know, I care about that and I wish I could take away some of his suffering. So I guess I'm less selfish now in recovery and maintaining so maintaining, you know, relationships even with your parents. It takes time and effort and energy and but you must, you must do that, um, because in well, you know not everyone, I guess, like you know, if you've had a really, really bad trauma, then I would not suggest that. But, you know, if you're someone like me who, yeah, can forgive, then you know it's important to put the energy in. Like for much of my life I never did so. This is a new thing for me, being a good kid, but the rewards that I reap is, I see my parents' happiness, because I know that I've caused them so much pain over the years and so much worry, like you know, for so, so much time they just thought I would be dead at some point, you know, and that they would have to put me in the ground, and so, yeah, I'm showing up every day and that makes me really proud that I'm showing up and I'm, I'm just, I'm okay and I will be okay. You know, they can rest easy now into their more senior years, which is a wonderful thing In terms of like relationships, like romantically.
Speaker 1:What I would say is that when I started my relationship with my current partner, like pretty much I much, I well, we were like doing it was internet dating. So of course, at first I told him about my background, but I sugar-coated it and made it sound like it was a bit more in the distant past. And then we met and I was like, yeah, this is not fair. I've got to be really honest with this guy because he's nice, I really like him and, um, I don't want a relationship based on bullshit. No, I'm done with bullshit, I'm done with, you know, hiding or being scared of skeletons coming out of my closet.
Speaker 1:So she wrote him a really long text. I said, look, this is the truth, you deserve to know this. And like then you can decide whether you want to see me again, you know. So I wrote it out all blow for blow, like when I'd last used drugs intravenously, when I'd last used smoked drugs, when I'd last you know that I was an escort and everything like that, and he came back to me and said, oh, it's not that different from what you told me, you know. And I was like, okay, but now, moving forward, like there is nothing in this relationship, like it's completely honest, I'm not waiting for something to be discovered or, you know, for some skeleton to come out of the closet. You know, when I go, like when you're an addict right and you're, you're closeting is every time you walk out that door like you're worried that someone's going to come across your stash or you know something, one of your cards is going to come out and hit the floor, you know, and that your castle's going to fall down. And you know, it's just wonderful to be in a relationship like that.
Speaker 1:Conversely, though, like when I was living with my other partners, you know, every time they went out, it would be like an opportunity to be naughty, and it's like every time my partner goes out, though I still have that like little impulse oh, what am I going to do? That's naughty. And then I go no, michelle, come on like you're not that person anymore. You don't do naughty things. But you know, the other things are like if I was out and I was in the process of procuring drugs and I was delayed, you know, because dealers are never on time or whatever, like the amount of time I spent in car parks, you know, waiting for a dealer to show up, like you know.
Speaker 1:So like, if, if, if I was out a bit longer, or something like that. And then if you were, if you were delayed when you're out for a different reason, you'd get really edgy because you start to think, oh, they're thinking that I'm playing up again or whatever you know. And now there's just none of that. I know that if I go out and I'm delayed or I'm a bit longer, there's going to be no suspicion there, you know. There's going to be none of that uncomfortableness, um, and it's just so much of a better way to live and like, conversely, too, like I trust him too, you know, um, and so, yeah, trust is, is, is really important. There was so many relationships that I had with no trust that I'm now experiencing it and it's yeah, it's wonderful, like you can't have a relationship without trust, you know, yeah, and so in recovery I thought, okay, that's cool, I've got this now right. Like I'm trustworthy, I'm genuine, there's no secrets here, this is beautiful.
Speaker 1:But the next challenge I had to face was my ADHD and hyper focus, because I became engrossed in the backyard gardening project and I was in a deep, deep hyper focus, right, and like my partner, like he, he works from home and that, and he'd come down and go, oh, do you want to go do this for lunch? And I'd be in this hyper focus, going. Are you insane? I am, you know, hyper focus on the garden. How dare you, you know, come down and break that.
Speaker 1:And then I would go, and then he kept and it's almost like he would get shitty, and I'd go, listen, you know, and I'd get my back up and go look, hey, I need my time as well. You know what I mean and, like you know, don't be so needy type thing. Why is he so needy? And then one day I stopped and thought about it and I went look, you're spending a lot of time in the garden. Michelle, do you know what I mean? And you know, perhaps it's not him being needy, it's you too focused on the garden. I mean, do you want to live your life alone in the garden or do you really love this man and you want to have him in your life. So the answer was obvious.
Speaker 1:And then I went, oh gosh, and so I realised that I was starting to go down a bad pathway with that and so lately, like, of course, everyone needs their own time, and I do. I probably need my own time a bit more than the next person, but I am getting better. But I make sure now that there are times when I say, yeah, I'll come with you and I'll do this and you know I'll actually delegate some time to you. Because so easily do we fall into the trap of just assuming that once you've got that relationship, you just assume and you take it for granted and you don't put time or energy into it, and the tendency then is to go inside yourself and go well, he's being needy, you know he's the problem, and it's like, in fact, i's being needy. You know he's the problem and it's like, in fact, I was the problem. You know, um, and so, yeah, that's been my latest lesson in in learning how to keep a good, healthy relationship, and I think my partner's um, yeah, he's a beautiful man, he's very patient and is good at pointing these lessons out to me.
Speaker 1:You know, um, and yeah, so sometimes now, if I'm making the decision whether to stay on my own and have my own space or go out and do something, I, if I feel a sense of uneasiness in myself, this heaviness, I'll know that I'm perhaps not doing the right thing, like, for instance, today. You know I chose to stay at home by myself because I needed my own space and I know we've got a hectic day and we're going to spend the whole day together anyway, and I just needed my own thinking time so that I could be in my best possible way to enjoy that time with him. So, you know, I'm not saying you should always uh, you know choose to be joined at the hip forever. You know, all the time. You know we do sometimes need our own space, but you know when it's all the time. Then why are you in a relationship? You know, um, and so, yeah, these, I.
Speaker 1:I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm in recovery and you know, um, and so, yeah, these. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm in recovery and you know, um, I still continue to evolve every day and learn new things, because I'm coming from a very stunted and and uh, immature, I guess, in many ways, uh, pile of experience. You know, I've really only started to have meaningful and good relationships, like now, you know. So this is all new to me, like the whole calling my mum once a week, you know, that's all new to me. And, of course, like the other thing that's really new to me, I've never had friends in my adult life. Um, never, because I've tended to just want to isolate at home and that. And then, moving to this new, new area where I live in Australia, I've actually met like two friends, and that's amazing.
Speaker 1:It's really hard for adults to meet new friends when you move to new areas because you're not going to school, you know. So you don't have your school peers and you know, particularly for me, I don't have a job, so I'm not going out to work, but even still in recovery, actually it's more than that. You know what? I would say, that I've got five really good friends, five good friends that I've made in recovery, um, and so that's amazing. These are people that are interested and want to spend their time with me, and so, again, I make the effort to keep in touch with them, you know, and check up and see how they are. One of my friends I would see every week, you know, or actually two of them. Other people I keep up, you know, just on correspondence over the phone, but the thing is is I put the energy in to communicating with them. You know, I mean, as human beings we're very bad at keeping platonic friends, you know.
Speaker 1:Think back in your past. It's always very common to you know, bump an engagement with a friend for a work thing or for something with your romantic partner. You know, it's just what we tend to do in this day and age. We prioritize everything else over catching up with your friends. But it's really important that we don't do that, because the amount of good friends that you have, yeah, yeah, it determines your longevity. It's really important, you know, and I mean you don't have to call them every day, but be interested in them and know what's going on in their lives. And you know, like a really beautiful story is a story from my partner who he was going through a really tough time right and um and, and he had a friend who really cared about him and his friend said to him no, I'm going to call you every day at the same time, just to find out if you're okay or if you want to chat now understand, if you don't pick up, I I don't mind, but if you do, that's great, and but even if you don't pick up, I'm going to keep calling every day at the same time, and he did that for two years. He did that until he knew that my partner was all right and through the worst of it.
Speaker 1:You know the thing is that we need our friends. You know you can't rely on one person to fulfill all your needs. You know we are only human. You can't rely on one person to fulfill all your needs. We're only human. And if you're relying on your romantic partner to be a friend and a lover and a financial partner and all of that, then they're going to fail at one point because it's just too much of an expectation to pin on one person. So friends are really undervalued in today's culture and also we come across them less than I guess they did in the older, older days because you know everyone's so isolated on their computers and whatnot that people don't tend to get out and mingle. So whatever friends that you have, you know we should really try and put energy into it. It's really easy to sort of fall into the hole of just not prioritising them.
Speaker 1:Like you know, my friend up here, she lost her job and was having a really bad day once and I was texting with her and then I went Michelle, you shithead, like you know, like you should go and have a drink with her. You know. Then I thought, oh, but it's. You know know, she lives a half an hour away, I have to travel up the high freeway. And then you know, I don't know what my partner's doing and you know like, uh, you know, like I'll be abandoning him for dinner and stuff. Then I was like, for fuck's sake, he's survived for how many decades before you got here. You know, like, just go and make sure your friend's okay. And so, yeah, I did, you know, I went out of my way and I drove up there and I was really, really glad. I did that, in fact, yeah, really glad, and that was probably the first time that I reached out and did something really nice for a friend and that was the basis of our ongoing friendship, you know, and I value her dearly and so, like, now I have all these people in my life and that I have, you know, daily, weekly interactions with.
Speaker 1:I see them, my parents I speak to, weekly interactions with. I see them, my parents. I speak to, um, my ex-partner uh, not my last ex, but my the father of my child has moved up here and and like he's got every reason to fucking hate me. I was such a shit bag but he's forgiven me and we've got a really, really beautiful friendship right. We're good mates. There's no nothing, nothing romantic there at all. That ship has well and truly sailed. In fact, I helped him zhuzh up his tinder profile, like trying to help him get a girlfriend. So you know, um, but I've got all these people, uh, in my life and I value their friendships and relationships.
Speaker 1:I couldn't imagine now going and getting drugs and getting cooked. I just couldn't do it because I can't have, I can't interact with these people if I'm cooked and they're too important to me to not be able to interact with them. And I could think of nothing worse than being high as a kite and trying to sort of you know like act, not high, and then be really paranoid if they were, you know, picking up that there wasn't. You know that I was different, and of course they would, because I would be different, like spiritually, I'd be showing up as a different person, because drugs change who you are, you know, and so the very thought of using is inconceivable to me now, and I can't emphasise how important these relationships are to that. So I mean, if you would have told me, like even a year ago, that relationships were protective of addiction, I just wouldn't have even understood why. But now I see it so very clearly, I really do. So.
Speaker 1:You know, there are some relationships that you have to let go of as well, because some people are not helpful for you, for you in recovery, um, and that's important to recognize. My last ex was an addict and I am am relieved that the relationship ended with him. I actually didn't end it. He dumped me, um, but I was in love with him at the time and there's no way I would have ever actually ended it, so I'm thankful that he actually dumped me. Um, yeah, look, you know he wasn't ready to completely give up drugs, he's and therefore I just couldn't have him in my orbit anymore, um, and so I think it's important to recognise it when you are making the break to become clean.
Speaker 1:If you are partnered with another addict, sometimes the safest thing is just to let go, as hard as that is. I thought that, you know, because he had saved me, I could save him. But you know what? The only person that can save anyone is themselves, so it's best just to go our separate ways. I have no resentments or animosities. You know he is who he is and he can't help that. But, yeah, you know, I was very like, I was in love with him, I was very fond of him, um, uh, but uh, you know, I think stepping away from that relationship, too, has made me, has enabled me to grow and, uh, grow into a bigger and stronger person. Um, and so, yeah, that's pretty much um, um, yeah, all that needs to be said.
Speaker 1:Really, the last um relationship that I just really want to quickly touch base on is probably one of the most important ones actually the relationship with my son and I'm incredibly fortunate to have a son, who, to have a son who, despite how much my addiction really hurt him, he loves me and he doesn't seem to have any anger towards me. I've been quite open with him about everything, not everything, but obviously I've told him that I wasn't well and that when he's older I'll tell him more, and that you know a lot of the bad things that happened that he can remember were all my fault, you know. So I've owned it as best I can without, you know, tarnishing his innocence. I guess you know tarnishing his innocence. I guess the other thing with my son is that I've made him aware of you know that there are drugs and that they're not good and that he needs to be very careful when he gets older and goes out, you know, to nightclubs and pubs or whatever, and starts drinking, that he's at risk of this disease too. He has ADHD, very like I do, and I've therefore made it really like I got him help, I got him in to see a paediatrician and I got him on medication. I think that's probably also protective of him becoming an addict as well.
Speaker 1:And you know, moving forward, I'm just trying to be the best mum I can and foster the best relationship. I try and impart the wisdom that I've learnt, but it's difficult. I guess he's young and I find it challenging because a lot of the personality things that I worked through in recovery he displays some of those personality traits which I find particularly grating because they're things that I didn't like about myself when I worked on them. So you know, I I don't, I'm not a perfect mum yet, but I'm aware of where some of the my difficulties lie and I'm trying to work on that as well, you know, because, like, he's the most important thing in my life, person in my life, and I want him to have a. I don't want him to have to go through the hardships that I've gone through, so I'll do my very best to prevent that, you know. Yeah, if he wants to go to the park, I'll go to the park. If he wants to go to the beach, I'll go to the beach. You know, no matter what hyperfocus I mean, that's really important too, that he's missed out on having a mum for so long that, yeah, I've got to spend as much time as possible with him before he doesn't want to spend any time with me. And, reflecting back on all the ways that my drug abuse harmed him, that's one of the things that keeps me also away from wanting to use 100%. It's huge. I've been given a magical second chance and, um, I'm not gonna waste it, you know, I think. Like I guess.
Speaker 1:To summarize, I think my general observation of myself, and other people too, is that we tend to take relationships for granted, and shouldn't? Um, we need to put energy into them and and Focus on projecting out really positive, loving energy. Empathy is also really important. But also I've learnt to question my responses yeah and I to other people's behaviour, like, for instance, when my partner was asking for me to spend more time with him. Instead of labelling him as needy in my head, I looked at myself and looked to see where I was falling short, rather than just, you know, blaming it on one of you know, blaming it on him having some sort of deficit or problem. You know, I looked to myself for where the problem was and I think, too, we tend to get lost in our own dialogue and don't question it sometimes. We tend to get lost in our own dialogue and don't question it sometimes, and it's really important to do that. Especially if you really care about that person and you want them to be in your life, then you need to try and see things from their perspective, and we as humans are pretty bad at doing that.
Speaker 1:Resentment is always the cornerstone of any relationship failure. So if you're harboring any resentments, then you need to really work out if it's worthwhile continuing on with that relationship or letting it go, if you cannot drop it. Um, otherwise it will just be toxic. Um, yeah and yeah, really, I guess, just um emphasizing all the points again, you know, um, you get out what you put in, so every relationship needs work. You need to nurture it. You can't just take from the tree. You know you have to give.
Speaker 1:Buddhist teachings tell us that true happiness can only be um, realized when we put others ahead of ourselves, when we're completely selfless, and that sort of feeds into what I'm talking about in terms of, you know, putting energy into relationships, and you know you need to keep relationships alive. That's really important. But suffice to say we, as humans, cannot survive in isolation. We need other people around us, and so, yeah, hopefully, if you're listening to this, you might be reflecting on your relationships and thinking about how you can make them stronger or things you can do to improve the situation, because, at the end of the day, we can't control other people. But the only thing we can control is our own reactions to things and, um, you know our own behaviors, and so, if you're concerned about a relationship, that's the only way you can address it is through your own actions and energies. Anyway, that's probably all I've got to say. Hopefully, people gleaned some wisdom out of that Know and stay, be kind to one another and enjoy life.